what life? i'm not having a good time either. this blog (and post for that matter) is poorly titled.
i feel left out, left behind, and forgotten. i can't really describe accurately the lack of depth in my life anymore. my day to day pretty much consists of sleeping a little, class, and then some rehearsal and then blah all night. i really have become the most unproductive person i know. i have no drive, no will, no nothing. in the last almost three months i have melted away to nothing. apparently my brain says 'whats the point' and the rest of me apparently agrees with it. i am worthless because there is no meaningful outside force to tell me otherwise.
what good am i to society? no good. thats zero. no percents.
i feel betrayed, lost, looked over, neglected, and beaten. beaten down, beaten up. left to rot in the dust. life is no good lately, and i just keep making it worse for myself. go me, right? wrong. shame on me for not fighting for things harder. shame on me for giving up so easily. shame on me.
i don't go a day without thinking of what might have been. i'm even to the point where i don't care who reads this. normally i'd choose my words carefully, as not to let anyone know what i'm actually talking about, but i sure am over caring if the people i write about care or read this. anyway i thought i was okay with everything, i was trying to move on, and then she delivers the 'best' possible at the 'best' possible time, and i just loose it. poop on me.
everyone lets poop on robert. 1... 2... 3... GO!
what a wonderful way to restart this blog. oh. i'm gonna have two blogs now... this one was dead, but not anymore. i'm keeping one blog entry alive from before though.
poop. i mean least she cared enough to tell me herself... not enough to tell me who... although i figured that one out... but enough not to let me find out from some random person. guh. awesome life i have. bye. i'll let you know what other crappy things happen to me later
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
faith
maybe its rubbing my faith in your face, or gloating, or some other offensive thing that someone will see this as.
but i don't think so. i am proud of who i am, and what i believe so i love sharing it with anyone who cares to ask. i won't try and force you to view things like me, or convert to my faith, but if you ask, i will answer to the best of my ability.
interestingly enough i've been reading a book by an excommunicated member (i'm sure that at some point it will be like "this is why the church is wrong! mormon's are evil! burn them!" but as of chapter three its just a story of a man's conversion to the church. one of the missionaries that he met with on his first discussion but my faith in the church best.
while the following excerpt does not explain the church entirely, it explains simply why at least i believe in what i do, and the simplicity of our church, and the beauty of Christ's Church. i'm not sure i made myself 100% clear, but read on if you wanna:
"Mr. Spencer, as long as Jesus was on the earth, how many churches of Jesus Christ were there?"
"One."
"And even after Jesus died, with the foundation of the apostles and prophets, how many do you think there were?"
"One."
"That’s right. There were not hundreds as there are today. The members of the Church of Jesus Christ all believed the same doctrine. And when the Church had a question or needed to know something, the people asked the apostles and prophets, who spoke for God. It makes sense, doesn’t it?"
"Yes, I guess it does." I had to admit to myself that it did make sense.
"Mr. Spencer, you’ve used the word if a lot today. Let me ask you another ‘if’ question. If Jesus established His Church, and if He left it in the hands of men He appointed to keep it in order, then why are there hundreds of different churches today, with hundreds of different doctrinal ideas, each claiming to be a genuine Church of Christ?"
I was stumped. I could not give him an answer. Everything I thought of made no sense in the context of the present conversation. I was not a Bible student, and had only little knowledge of Christian doctrine. But I had to admit the things these young men were saying made sense. They knew where they were going. They knew what they believed. They were so sure of themselves.
"The reason for the confusion in the churches today," continued Elder Jackson, "is that after the death of Jesus the apostles were scattered. Eventually they were killed. The Church, because of unbelief and wickedness, dwindled away. Which, I might add, is just what the Bible predicted would happen – that there would be a great falling away of the Church. We call it the Apostasy. The true Church did fall away and mankind plunged into the Dark Ages. It wasn’t until 1820 that God found someone worthy enough to restore the Church through – the prophet Joseph Smith."
"Well, that’s quite a story," I said.
"One last ‘if’ question. If what we have told you is true, what do you think the structure of the Church today should be like?"
"I guess it should be like the early Church."
"With apostles and prophets?"
"I suppose so."
"Do you know of any churches today that claim to be run by twelve apostles and a living prophet?"
"The Mormon Church?"
Jackson smiled. "If what we have told you is true, you’d want to be a member of the Mormon Church, wouldn’t you?"
"Well, if it’s true, I’d be a fool not to at least consider that."
thats it. i can't express my love for my faith and Christ in words, but i am grateful that i have the opportunity to find his truth and love in this world and return to him. i know that joseph smith was a true profit, and that The Lord's gospel is simple. i believe that we will all have the opportunity to see that if we search our hearts and pray to know the truth.
i don't want you to think that i'm trying to force you all to become mormon, or show you that you're all wrong, because i'm not. i just wanted to share that passage with you, because i was impressed to do so, and i just plain dug it. the end.
hope all is well out there
-robert
ps. watch this:
my actual part in this blog probably sucks because i'm tired, its late, and i can't think very well
but i don't think so. i am proud of who i am, and what i believe so i love sharing it with anyone who cares to ask. i won't try and force you to view things like me, or convert to my faith, but if you ask, i will answer to the best of my ability.
interestingly enough i've been reading a book by an excommunicated member (i'm sure that at some point it will be like "this is why the church is wrong! mormon's are evil! burn them!" but as of chapter three its just a story of a man's conversion to the church. one of the missionaries that he met with on his first discussion but my faith in the church best.
while the following excerpt does not explain the church entirely, it explains simply why at least i believe in what i do, and the simplicity of our church, and the beauty of Christ's Church. i'm not sure i made myself 100% clear, but read on if you wanna:
"Mr. Spencer, as long as Jesus was on the earth, how many churches of Jesus Christ were there?"
"One."
"And even after Jesus died, with the foundation of the apostles and prophets, how many do you think there were?"
"One."
"That’s right. There were not hundreds as there are today. The members of the Church of Jesus Christ all believed the same doctrine. And when the Church had a question or needed to know something, the people asked the apostles and prophets, who spoke for God. It makes sense, doesn’t it?"
"Yes, I guess it does." I had to admit to myself that it did make sense.
"Mr. Spencer, you’ve used the word if a lot today. Let me ask you another ‘if’ question. If Jesus established His Church, and if He left it in the hands of men He appointed to keep it in order, then why are there hundreds of different churches today, with hundreds of different doctrinal ideas, each claiming to be a genuine Church of Christ?"
I was stumped. I could not give him an answer. Everything I thought of made no sense in the context of the present conversation. I was not a Bible student, and had only little knowledge of Christian doctrine. But I had to admit the things these young men were saying made sense. They knew where they were going. They knew what they believed. They were so sure of themselves.
"The reason for the confusion in the churches today," continued Elder Jackson, "is that after the death of Jesus the apostles were scattered. Eventually they were killed. The Church, because of unbelief and wickedness, dwindled away. Which, I might add, is just what the Bible predicted would happen – that there would be a great falling away of the Church. We call it the Apostasy. The true Church did fall away and mankind plunged into the Dark Ages. It wasn’t until 1820 that God found someone worthy enough to restore the Church through – the prophet Joseph Smith."
"Well, that’s quite a story," I said.
"One last ‘if’ question. If what we have told you is true, what do you think the structure of the Church today should be like?"
"I guess it should be like the early Church."
"With apostles and prophets?"
"I suppose so."
"Do you know of any churches today that claim to be run by twelve apostles and a living prophet?"
"The Mormon Church?"
Jackson smiled. "If what we have told you is true, you’d want to be a member of the Mormon Church, wouldn’t you?"
"Well, if it’s true, I’d be a fool not to at least consider that."
thats it. i can't express my love for my faith and Christ in words, but i am grateful that i have the opportunity to find his truth and love in this world and return to him. i know that joseph smith was a true profit, and that The Lord's gospel is simple. i believe that we will all have the opportunity to see that if we search our hearts and pray to know the truth.
i don't want you to think that i'm trying to force you all to become mormon, or show you that you're all wrong, because i'm not. i just wanted to share that passage with you, because i was impressed to do so, and i just plain dug it. the end.
hope all is well out there
-robert
ps. watch this:
my actual part in this blog probably sucks because i'm tired, its late, and i can't think very well
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